Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”
Humor
Pirate Problems
A pirate walks off his ship. He has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his right eye. He sits down on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls.
Before The Operation
Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually… Read More ›
The Blind Man’s Dirty Fork
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu…. Read More ›
Humors Pictures
Nothing cheers a person up more then some good cartoon humor, check them out and see if you don’t laugh!
A Bridge to Hawaii
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The Golden Frog
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.
A walk around the block
“Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” a little girl asked. “No, I don’t think so. Fifi is in heat,” replied the mother. “What does that mean?” asked the child.
One Hell of a Headache
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure… Read More ›
Scoreboard
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
Personal Questions
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” The mother looks over at the little girl, “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a… Read More ›
Pricesless!!
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As… Read More ›
I’m smarter than she is!
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’ Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than… Read More ›
Luncheon for Seniors
This letter was sent to the School Principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.
A Nice Hotel
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours… Read More ›
The Alley Genie Bottle
One evening this drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and happens to notice a 12″ tall man standing on the bar. Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him; “What the hell is that?” The guy next to… Read More ›
A Hand Coke Bottle Shake
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
Three Sisters
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn’t afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn’t afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies…. Read More ›
The Pastor’s Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read:
Breasts and $200 Bucks
One day an at home house wife is alone when the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, “Hi, is Tony home?” The wife replies, “No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want.”
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. ‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.
A Brain Transplant
In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
Do my worrying for me
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
Is There Baseball In Heaven?
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season.
Texas Salesman in California
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman… Read More ›
Bear Warning!!
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They’re urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.
Secret Cat Diary
DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,… Read More ›
