Fate of the Jedi: Abyss
The novel starts off in the basement levels of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant where captured Jedi Knights Seff Hellin and Natua Wan are held captive for the Force psychosis that they are suffering. Han and Leia Organa Solo are visiting to check up on the two Jedi. They also visit Raynar Thul, who has been virtually healed from his burn scars since the Tachyon Flier crash on Yoggoy, as well as the mental scars since ruling the Killiks as UnuThul. Read more
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?” The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
According to ESPN.com and The Associated Press
Major League Baseball and umpire Jerry Meals agree Meals made the wrong call in Atlanta’s 4-3, 19-inning win over Pittsburgh early Wednesday morning.
Meals ruled Pittsburgh catcher Mike McKenry failed to tag Atlanta’s Julio Lugo in the bottom of the 19th, allowing Lugo to score the winning run. Replays showed McKenry clearly tagging Lugo before Lugo reached the plate.
The Pirates filed a formal complaint hours after the longest game in team history, and MLB executive vice president for baseball operations Joe Torre said it appeared Meals missed the call.
Later Wednesday, Meals said he saw in his review of the play that Lugo’s pants moved slightly when tagged. Meals said that showed him he missed the call.
“After coming into the locker room, I reviewed the incident through our videos that we have in here and after seeing a few of them, on one particular replay, I was able to see that Lugo’s pant leg moved ever so slightly when the swipe tag was attempted by McKenry,” Meals said.
“That’s telling me that I was incorrect in my decision and that he should have been ruled out and not safe.”
Click the ESPN link at the top to read the full story from ESPN.com
Fate of The Jedi: Omen
In 41 ABY the Sith Dician and her ship Poison Moon are orbiting the planet Ziost, having followed a Sith Meditation Sphere called Ship instead of destroying Alema Rar, Rar’s Omega 379 base, and the Millennium Falcon. Dician attempts to convince Ship to come with her to the One Sith, but Ship refuses believing them weak for choosing to hide from the galaxy. Read more
Fate Of The Jedi: Outcast
Following events of the Legacy of the Force novels, Outcast picks up two years after the aforementioned series’ finale, Invincible. Several young Jedi Knights begin to fall ill to a Force psychosis that makes them believe that everyone around them is an imposter. Read more
NFL players voted to OK a final deal Monday. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said “This is a long time coming, and football’s back and that’s the great news for everybody.” The sides worked through the weekend and wrapped up the details Monday morning on a final pact that runs for 10 years, without an opt-out clause. Read more
According to NFL Network insider Jason La Canfora, an NFLPA source believes that if progress continues, the players could vote on an agreement Tuesday. Owners would have to sign off on the new CBA language, too.
Sources involved in the negotiations also told La Canfora that they believe it’s possible the league year will start by Wednesday and training camps could open by Friday. Depending on the timing of a full agreement being reached and a judge signing off on a global settlement, it’s also possible that free agency and training camp could open simultaneously, sources said. Read more
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grisly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, “from the tip of my weenie to my
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to “drop ‘em,” which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief’s weenie and began to work back.
Oh Man!” he suddenly exclaimed, “Where are your testicles?”
The old Chief calmly replied… “Vietnam.”
In Theaters Friday July 22, 2011
“Captain America: The First Avenger” will focus on the early days of the Marvel Universe when Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) volunteers to participate in an experimental program that turns him into the Super Soldier known as Captain America. As Captain America, Rogers joins forces with Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan) and Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to wage war on the evil HYDRA organization, led by the villainous Red Skull (Hugo Weaving.) Read more
Ryan Newman held off his teammate and owner, Tony Stewart, by 0.773 seconds at the line in the Lenox Industrial Tools 301 at New Hampshire Motor Speedway. Stewart pitted nine laps later and had plenty of fuel to go to the finish, Newman was able hold off his teammate to score his 15th career win.
Newman used the first pit stall to his benefit and gain track position. Newman was able to make his last pitt stop on lap 217 for just fuel only.
The win enabled Newman to leap over Dale Earnhardt Jr. for eighth place in the points standings, 16 points inside the Chase group and 66 points behind leader Carl Edwards. Denny Hamlin, Joey Logano and Jimmie Johnson finish out the top five. Read more
Drill Sergeant: Gump! What’s your sole purpose in this army?
Forrest Gump: To do whatever you tell me, drill sergeant!
Drill Sergeant: Goddammit, Gump! You’re a goddamned genius! Thats the most outstanding answer I have ever heard. You must have a goddamn I.Q. of 160. You are goddamned gifted, Private Gump. Listen up, people…
Forrest Gump: [narrating] Now for some reason I fit in the army like one of them round pegs. It’s not really hard. You just make your bed real neat and remember to stand up straight and always answer every question with “Yes, drill sergeant.”
Drill Sergeant: …Is that clear?
Forrest Gump: YES, DRILL SERGEANT! Read more
Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me! [winces]
Cop: Why don’t we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No… I have unpaid parking tickets. [pulls the glovebox open to reveal the piles of parking tickets and groans] … be gentle.
This guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. He comes home early and she meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. “Where is he?” he shouts. “Where’s the guy who’s been sleeping with you?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about” she says so he tears the house apart looking for this guy. Read more
A stable wormhole is discovered by Deep Space 9 and its crew. It’s known to the Bajoran people as the Celestial Temple of their Prophets. Sisko as the discoverer of the wormhole becomes known as the Emissary of the Bajoran prophesy. At the other end of the wormhole lies the Gamma Quadrant, halfway around the galaxy from Bajor.
This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We
are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers
and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change
your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that’s
one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be
undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.