Liar Liar

Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me! [winces]
Cop: Why don’t we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No… I have unpaid parking tickets. [pulls the glovebox open to reveal the piles of parking tickets and groans] … be gentle.
Fletcher: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
Judge: Can’t it wait?
Fletcher: Yes it can. But I’ve heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!
Judge: Is that true?
Fletcher: It has to be!
Judge: In that case I’d better take a quick break myself.

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana: Fine, thank you.
Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher: I’m a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
Judge Stevens: Well, you’re young. It’ll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?



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