Johnson: [Noticing Dr. Evil’s spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don’t know, sir, but it looks like a giant–
Jet Pilot: Dick.
Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge–
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that’s not a woodpecker, it looks like someone’s–
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with–
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous–
Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying–
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What’s that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a giant–
Johnson: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
Later, as Dr. Evil is escaping:Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?
Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge–
Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or–
Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?
Son: Dad? What’s that? points at rocket
Dad: I don’t know, son, but it’s got great big–
Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some– Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband’s–
Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
One-eyed Monster: jumps out and scares crowd, then points to the rocket Hey, what’s that? It looks like a big–
female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. [Sees rocket] Oh my lord.
Female fan: It’s big!
Woody: Nah, I’ve seen bigger, it’s–
Dr. Evil: (To Mini-Me) Just a little prick. It’s a flu shot. You’ve been in the coldness of space.
Categories: Movie Quotes